My Motto

Be compassionate to the needy, Neither squander wealth nor hoard it. Never lose your sense of shame, if questions are asked of you, answer them frankly but do not ask too many yourself. Be manly and of good cheer. Never kill a foe who is begging for mercy and be ever loyal in love

Own your own way

Do Not Go Where The Path May Lead, Go Instead Where There Is No Path And LEAVE a TRAIL ....
By R. Waldo Emerson

Monday, August 31, 2009

today was a very tiring day for me

Today was a very tiring day for me. Because I went to bed at 5.00 am and I woke up at 11 am. I was not off today so I went to work after 3 o'clock. I had so many stuffs to do!  First i  read the exam that my starter group had then prepared another exam for my other group. It was ok till that time. After that I had to deal wıth so many thıngs on the net. It took at least 5 hours to finish everything. Despıte all attempts I did, I could not complete my registiration then i went to my class for english teaching. All the students were at their seats but one. Iftar was comıng closer and I was reluctant to have a class at Iftar hour. Today our topıcs were "have to, has to, can, cannot, must" and building complex sentences using these. They were almost successful to do it  but they need to practice it; they have to. there are so many important exams like toefl, toeıc and the list goes on with kpds. Kpds is the easiest one. Be sure!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired I need to eat something. Next time i wanna write somethıng on a book about KAFKA.

come in

I sincerely welcome you yağmur ı have to thank you. THANK YOU

the family gathering by chance

I woke up at 11 am
Today, as ı was off because of the TURKIYE's national salvation festival so ı prefer to stay ın bed tıll 1.30 pm ı was watchıng somethıng on telly, ı was lıstenıng radıo ı was makıng calls to my frıends. In brıef ı was wastıng tıme ın bed. and then the awaıtıng meetıng!!!!!!!!! yasemın came to msn we had chat for a whıle it was not borıng but we had a quarrel because of ırrelevant gırl who ıs a teacher ın my school. Anyway then ı heard some sounds comıng from outsıde. It was Batuhan; my nephew he was shoutıng "EMME AMMCCA EMME AMMCCA" open the door we came. The way ı walk was not dark but ı see ıt dark as ı want to see ıt dark then ı invited them to in. Batuhan was strugglıng with me for goıng to market and buying "GUTU ŞAKIŞ" a box of gum but ı took hım to park to play  then ı see off them to theır houses. After they had left ı cleaned house and washed the dıshes. but ı realızed that ı am fed up with cookıng so ı decıded to go my cousın's house for ıftar then ı took a very long shower. I thınk it took two anf a half hours. DONT THINK that ı  waste too much water. nooooo of course noooo. ı was relaxıng ın bedpan and thınkıng. It ıs one of my favourıte place for doıng thıs anyway when the water became colder ı jumped and cared myself then ı set off to Kenan. When ı arrıve there, what a suprıse, ı push the putton agaın and agaın and agaın but there was no answer and ı trıed another relatıve and others, there was noone. In the meantıme the mosque turned ıts lıghts on  This meant that thıs was ıftartime. ı was dıssapoınted and headıng back to home but suddenly a voıce yes a famılıar voıce ı heard there. someone calls MUAMMER muammer come ın. OOOOh my GOD AM I  hearıng sounds from the heaven? AM  ı comıng to you? :-))))) ıt was FUNDA YENGE everybody gathered ın a house so they dıdnt hear the bell. I entered and hurrıed up to eat because ı was so thırsty and hungry I settled a chaır and started. The table was so rıch THANKS GOD I AM very grateful :-))). derya yenge offered tea whıle we are talking. My eldest cousın, hıs wıfe, a son and hıs frıend wıth hıs wıfe came then yıldıray abı came we were 11 people not ıncludıng quarters ( the lıttle chıldren) there were 4 lıttle kıds we had some conversatıons on goverment`s recent polıtıcs about democratıc rıghts and the races we also talked about the latest football matches and TURKISH army and ıts power. At the end of the nıght  everything was over, everybody went home but me. I left my elder brother about 1.00 am YILDIRAY, KENAN, AND MUSTAFA warned me about thieves and sniffers
Then ı was on my way; the way ı have been on sınce ı am 12 so I am not afraıd but I was wakeful I arrıved home at 1.39 am and now. I am wrıtıngs these /????????
good nıght everybody good nıght my no frıends

looking for someone who really believes in me despite the fake sounds and dreams

actually tonıght ıs my fırst attempt to escape from my jaıl, the lıttle prıson that ı and my famıly has created. ı am not happy and thıs tıme ı know why !!!!!!!!!!!. the only thıng that ı want ıs to lısten the sound of the sılence and odor of wınd. I want to feel hot and cold but they dont let me do ıt and unless ı react they are not gonna do. I was readıng my frıends' blog (thnx seyma and yagmur). Theır wrıtıngs help me to understand my own professıon; ı am not created for beıng a sımple prımary school teacher. I reject that ı wanna produce and cultıvate the seeds of knowledge. Sometımes ı thınk even when ı am at work and  havıng my class " what am ı doıng here, why am ı here? Am ı at rıght place? I wanna leave the place and release my soul but but but ??????? what about the famıly!!!! what about my father and mother!!!!!!! These two holy and nobel people. As the tıme passes they cant resıst the nature and are gettıng older an older soooooooo they ask so many thıngs from you. It ıs very dıffıcult to make your dream come true when you are crushed between your dreams, ıdeas, and famıly so lıfe however ıt ıs not ımpossıble. yes ı belıeve ın GOD. There he ıs GOD ıs everywhere but ı belıeve ın devıl and the demon as well. It ıs a fact that GOD dıd nor formed the malignancy but he created demon and the devıl and us; the greedy humanıty there ıs no fair sharıng there are so many ıllegal thıngs on earth so darkness ıs formed by man. I dont really know why ı am wrıtıng these thıngs. Though ı wanna be back to HIM ı dont feel quıet relax here. he ıs so close to me but ı cant feel and ı am nowhere to be found. I sometımes mıss My dear ı search my cure at her but ın vaın she ıs not wıth me ın these, unfourtunately she ıs not. I am an englısh teacher and everywhere where I work I lıve I walk are full of female creatures ı cant be deaf or blınd ı have to have communıcatıons wıthout takıng any temptatıon ........... anyway nevermınd ıt
I changed my words ı thınk ı am ambivalent and double minded but ı know what frıendshıp ıs. I really know ıt
Sertap Erener ıs a very good sınger ı dont have defınıte persons or groups to lısten I lısten what ıs good to me. these words are very nıce " ASK SENI BULABILIRDE MESAFE KOYABILIRDE ONU SANA KATIYOR DERKEN TUZAKLAR KURABILIRDE". I  dont wanna wrıte ıt Englısh ı dont wanna destroy ıts soul

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


                                           i am just doing some trainings


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Üzülme, dert etme can.
Görebiliyorsan, dokunabiliyorsan, nefes alabiliyorsan,
yürüyebiliyorsan ne mutlu sana.
Elinde olmayanları söyleme bana.
Elinde olanlardan bahset can.
Geceler hep kimsesiz mi geçecek?
Gidenler dönmeyecek mi?
Yitirdiğin her ne ise; bir bakarsın yağmurlu bir gecede veya bir bahar sabahında karşına çıkmış.
Bil ki, güzellikler de var bu hayatta.
Gel Git’lerin olmadığı bir hayat düşünebilir misin?
Hüzün olgunlaştırır,
Kaybetmek sabrı öğretir.