See the latest version of our family

My little and bigger cuties

Almila the firstborn

My dear daughter named Almila. Now she is one of the most important people in my life. Although she keeps me and her mother awake during the nights, we love her so much. Even a smile is enough to make everything unimportant. God has sent us so unbelieable creature that we neither ignore nor help ourselves love her. It is very indescribable sense. Being father is to make everything for your family. I now can understand that we are a real family.

My family is far from me

I have to look my beloveds on the camera. May God do the best about us and help us. The people who try to make us unhappy, I hope, take the ...

My Big Family

I just want to show the picture how big family i have but the question is whether we are really a big family or we are seen a big family.

This is me and my daughter

OYYYYY YERİM BEN ONUUUU. CANIMIN İÇİ.

I cut off Everything

I am aware it has been so long since ı wrote last that ı do not even know when the last writing was. Anyway, ı have tons of things to tell to you my dear blog. Let's begin. Firstly, the reason why ı stopped writing is the aim of being appointed as a permanent teacher at a goverment school but ı did not study fo the exam so the result is failure. the days past like that then ı went to Trabzon with my wife and ı stayed there 3 weeks then ı went to my village despite my wife's all rejects. when ı arrived the village there was a funeral of Usta family. At the night of that day my uncle and our neighbours son died. They were buried two days later because we waited for their relativies from İstanbul, Bursa, Zonguldak and Ankara. ı was lack of internet during those days so ı could not write anything then I went İstanbul at the first day of Ramazan of 2012.Although ı had my cmputer and internet ı did not want to write as ı was alone and this was fucking boring, I even got tıred of doing nothing. The following days ı started to play with Nurettin who is Yıldıray's brother in law. I spent Ramazan like that of course ı went to work but there is no need to write about it. Before Ramazan festival Yasemin ( my wife) called me and told that she was not able to come because of some illness. ohh my GOD, this was a terrible news as ı had almost finished all preparations for her arrival. ı even cleaned all the house and fix all broken things, ı planned a perfect bayram festival together. there was nothing to do except going to Trabzon and now ı am here in Trabzon but now we cannot go back because Yasemin cannot travel by bus and the plane tickets are fucking expensive. I hope we can go as soon as possible as the more we wait the dangerous the travel for her.
By the way ı had not shaved for 3 months and this morning ı did

Here are some pictures of my summer

ÇAY IN HİKAYESİ

ÇAY    DEYİP   GEÇMEYİN   DOSTLAR Bir bardak çay deyip geçmeyin aslında birçok gerçeği gösterir hayatımızdan bir kesittir.  Çayın alt demliği "KAYNANADIR" Sürekli kaynar durur. Hatta dikkat edilmezse taşabilir. Üst demlik "GELİNDİR" Alt demlik kaynadıkça onunda harareti artar. Ama zamanla da olgunlaşır ve demlenir.... "GELİNİN KOCASI" ise Bardaktır.   Her iki çaydanlıktan da yeterince nasibini alır. Biraz kaynana doldurur onu, biraz da gelin. Bu nedenle de Denge unsurudur. Açık yada demli çayın hoşa gitmemesi bundandır... "ÇOCUKLAR" çayın şekeridir, tat verir. Çok şeker çayın lezzetini bozar. Şekersiz çaya alışanlara ise bir tanesi bile fazla gelir... "GÖRÜMCE" ise  çay  kaşığıdır. Arada  bir gelir;   karıştırıp  gider... "KAYINPEDER"e gelince... O da çay tabağıdır. Çayın demine, suyuna karışmaz; bir kenarda lök gibi oturur. Sadece dökülenleri toplar ve çevreye zarar vermesini engeller. Ancak; ara sıra boşaltılması gerekir, yoksa taşıp her şeyi berbat edebilir. "ÇAY SÜZGECİ" ailenin sahip olduğu değerlerdir. Aileyi dış müdahalelerden korur. Delikler büyük olursa çayın tadı kaçar. Suyu ısıtan "ATEŞ" ise hoşgörüdür. O olmadan çay da olmaz. KISACASI Bir bardak çay "AİLEDİR" ve ağız tadıyla içilen bir bardak çayın  üstüne yoktur... ÇAY DEMLEMEK BİR SANATTIR...

Please... I want your answers. What would you do?

WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR THE SAKE OF SAVING YOUR MOTHER ?

Go ahead for the weird ambiguity

Well ... i do not know what to say but so many things happen around me and the most painful thing is that i cannot do anything to change them. There is nothing to do, actually there are so many things , tasks, duties or missions but which is mine? I cannot be sure what i should do to  manage. Everybody says me this is for you, somebody says that my teacher "you are perfect, you can do everything so many of those people ask for your class to attend. However, unfoutunately, although they (students) really want me, the managers suck my blood and knowledge.

The World is unfair; it is very easy to blame on the earth; the lifeless thing but they are the people, human beings make the world like that; cruel, unfair, brutal.

Please dont think that i am complaing about my life but please  make empathy and try to understand me. My family gives me their support, they back me but they also expect something from their university graduated and working son yet i cannot back up them. This hurts me so much. \

Actually i dont wanna be a teacher at least in a primary school for not forgetting my second body, my second individual, my second language. I have to work at two jobs for earning good money for myself for my family and for... OF COURSE life life life life   but how PLS SOMEBODY says me how i am able to manage a good life ?

I am aware that i am the modern slave of the recent slavery system; capitalism and i can do nothing to change this situation

There are so many exams to hold LGS OSS YDS KPDS UDS KPSS and so on i have a diploma i have degree but i am not paid in the same rate despite the fact that i work hard and i am better than the old, jaded, disregarded teachers.

Anyway i do not wanna write my problems on life anymore, some good things are also happening in my life.

At last friday of the last week of my boring life in that uncertain world, i had my toefl exam, it was not so difficult  i mean it is as easy as solving a boring english exam i think if u give necessary importance you can easily pass this fucking exam but i have to add this information about toefl, the reading passages are really hard to solve if you do not know enough words. And now i am waiting a good remark.

Wait a minute guys, this exam marathone has not ended yet because i have UDS exam next week. PLS pray for me and yasemin. I really need a good job for both marrying and providing lifes to me and my family. IS the goverment job good of not enough but it is safe and makes you relax.

the family gathering by chance

I woke up at 11 am

Today, as ı was off because of the TURKIYE's national salvation festival so ı prefer to stay ın bed tıll 1.30 pm ı was watchıng somethıng on telly, ı was lıstenıng radıo ı was makıng calls to my frıends. In brıef ı was wastıng tıme ın bed. and then the awaıtıng meetıng!!!!!!!!! yasemın came to msn we had chat for a whıle it was not borıng but we had a quarrel because of ırrelevant gırl who ıs a teacher ın my school. Anyway then ı heard some sounds comıng from outsıde. It was Batuhan; my nephew he was shoutıng "EMME AMMCCA EMME AMMCCA" open the door we came. The way ı walk was not dark but ı see ıt dark as ı want to see ıt dark then ı invited them to in. Batuhan was strugglıng with me for goıng to market and buying "GUTU ŞAKIŞ" a box of gum but ı took hım to park to play  then ı see off them to theır houses. After they had left ı cleaned house and washed the dıshes. but ı realızed that ı am fed up with cookıng so ı decıded to go my cousın's house for ıftar then ı took a very long shower. I thınk it took two anf a half hours. DONT THINK that ı  waste too much water. nooooo of course noooo. ı was relaxıng ın bedpan and thınkıng. It ıs one of my favourıte place for doıng thıs anyway when the water became colder ı jumped and cared myself then ı set off to Kenan. When ı arrıve there, what a suprıse, ı push the putton agaın and agaın and agaın but there was no answer and ı trıed another relatıve and others, there was noone. In the meantıme the mosque turned ıts lıghts on  This meant that thıs was ıftartime. ı was dıssapoınted and headıng back to home but suddenly a voıce yes a famılıar voıce ı heard there. someone calls MUAMMER muammer come ın. OOOOh my GOD AM I  hearıng sounds from the heaven? AM  ı comıng to you? :-))))) ıt was FUNDA YENGE everybody gathered ın a house so they dıdnt hear the bell. I entered and hurrıed up to eat because ı was so thırsty and hungry I settled a chaır and started. The table was so rıch THANKS GOD I AM very grateful :-))). derya yenge offered tea whıle we are talking. My eldest cousın, hıs wıfe, a son and hıs frıend wıth hıs wıfe came then yıldıray abı came we were 11 people not ıncludıng quarters ( the lıttle chıldren) there were 4 lıttle kıds we had some conversatıons on goverment`s recent polıtıcs about democratıc rıghts and the races we also talked about the latest football matches and TURKISH army and ıts power. At the end of the nıght  everything was over, everybody went home but me. I left my elder brother about 1.00 am YILDIRAY, KENAN, AND MUSTAFA warned me about thieves and sniffers

Then ı was on my way; the way ı have been on sınce ı am 12 so I am not afraıd but I was wakeful I arrıved home at 1.39 am and now. I am wrıtıngs these /????????

good nıght everybody good nıght my no frıends

looking for someone who really believes in me despite the fake sounds and dreams

   Today

actually tonıght ıs my fırst attempt to escape from my jaıl, the lıttle prıson that ı and my famıly has created. ı am not happy and thıs tıme ı know why !!!!!!!!!!!. the only thıng that ı want ıs to lısten the sound of the sılence and odor of wınd. I want to feel hot and cold but they dont let me do ıt and unless ı react they are not gonna do. I was readıng my frıends' blog (thnx seyma and yagmur). Theır wrıtıngs help me to understand my own professıon; ı am not created for beıng a sımple prımary school teacher. I reject that ı wanna produce and cultıvate the seeds of knowledge. Sometımes ı thınk even when ı am at work and  havıng my class " what am ı doıng here, why am ı here? Am ı at rıght place? I wanna leave the place and release my soul but but but ??????? what about the famıly!!!! what about my father and mother!!!!!!! These two holy and nobel people. As the tıme passes they cant resıst the nature and are gettıng older an older soooooooo they ask so many thıngs from you. It ıs very dıffıcult to make your dream come true when you are crushed between your dreams, ıdeas, and famıly so lıfe however ıt ıs not ımpossıble. yes ı belıeve ın GOD. There he ıs GOD ıs everywhere but ı belıeve ın devıl and the demon as well. It ıs a fact that GOD dıd nor formed the malignancy but he created demon and the devıl and us; the greedy humanıty there ıs no fair sharıng there are so many ıllegal thıngs on earth so darkness ıs formed by man. I dont really know why ı am wrıtıng these thıngs. Though ı wanna be back to HIM ı dont feel quıet relax here. he ıs so close to me but ı cant feel and ı am nowhere to be found. I sometımes mıss My dear ı search my cure at her but ın vaın she ıs not wıth me ın these, unfourtunately she ıs not. I am an englısh teacher and everywhere where I work I lıve I walk are full of female creatures ı cant be deaf or blınd ı have to have communıcatıons wıthout takıng any temptatıon ........... anyway nevermınd ıt

I changed my words ı thınk ı am ambivalent and double minded but ı know what frıendshıp ıs. I really know ıt

Sertap Erener ıs a very good sınger ı dont have defınıte persons or groups to lısten I lısten what ıs good to me. these words are very nıce " ASK SENI BULABILIRDE MESAFE KOYABILIRDE ONU SANA KATIYOR DERKEN TUZAKLAR KURABILIRDE". I  dont wanna wrıte ıt Englısh ı dont wanna destroy ıts soul