Daddy

I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER,
I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I THINK I FEEL DIZZY
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
WHAT IS HE LIKE NOW:
AND WHAT WILL S/HE BE LIKE?
I AM REALLY EXCITED
I AM REALLY CONFUSED
I AM REALLY SCARED
PLEASE, DO NOT JUDGE ME
IT IS TRUE, I AM SCARED
I NEED HELP
COS I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER.

05,10,2011

Bugün de daha yeni yaşamaya başladım yeni hayatımın sıradan günleri gibi başladı. Sabah 6 a yakın kalk,traş ol, dişini fırçala, üstünü giy ve servise yetişmek için paldur küldür evden çık. şimdi yazarken bile sıkılıyorum aman Tanrım sonra bindiğim kartal seervisinden ümraniyede in üsküdar servisne bin saat 07,30 a okula yetiş hergün aynı olan kahvaltıdan ye ve törenden sonra derse gir. Burası bir anadolu lisesi ama öğrencilerin çoğunun ingilizcesi berbat ve bana bu çoçuklara öğretmem için verilen kitap C1 IELTS eee tabi doğal olarak yapamıyorlar ve moralleri bozuluyor benimde moralim bozuluyor çünkü kendimi faydasız hissediyorum.Ama 11 FEN A sınıfı Allah şükür gayet iyi ve orda ders yapabiliyorum en azından yapabildiğime inanıyorum. ama diğerleri özellikle 11 TM C tam bir kabus bu sınıfla ne yapılır bilmiyorum bunları al direk çöpe at kimse aramaz bunlar nerde diye tabikide hepsinden bahsetmiyorum arada bikaç tane var onlarda arada kaynıyor. Doğa Üsküdar Kolejinde günler böyle. Neyse öyle yada böyle günü akşam ediyorum ve 15.00 da biten dersten sonra 17,30 servisi bekliyoruz eve gitmek için ama burdan çıkınca eve gidemiyorum ki servisten madenlerde iniyorum ve 2,5 yıldır çalıştığım Amerikan Kültüre gidiyorum orası burdan nispeten daha eğlenceli ve faydalı geçiyor ordan da akşam 9,45 gibi çıkıyorum sonra da eve gidip yorgunluktan pestili çıktığı halde öylece kanepede uyuyup kalan karımın yanına gidiyorum ve günler böylece geçiyor.

The Other me

I have seen another sky
I have climbed another tree
I have wished another star,
above another star lit sea

Another me lives another life,
I've always dreamed
Another me exists somewhere
Why can't I live that life there?
Please let me be ... the other me

And I have seen another sunrise,
and another lightning storm
I'm not just the me you see
You see another me was born

Another me lives another life,
I've always dreamed
Another me exists somewhere
Why can't I live that life there?
Please let me be ... the other me

Somewhere I'm happy
I'm smiled at understood
In another Place I lift my face,
not hide it in a hood

I have seen another sky
I have climbed another tree
I have wished another star,
above another star lit sea

Somewhere I'm happy
I'm smiled at understood
In another Place I lift my face,
not hide it in a hood

I have loved another love,
in another place like this
I've been held and felt so safe
Oh yes, I've kissed another kiss..


by Jim STURGESS

(on behalf of Şeyma's Blog)

The way I look

I HAVE NO DIFFERENCE THAN THIS PICTURE THESE DAYS. You already know that i wear glasses and you are used to seeing me with long hair but not black and i have beard so long and ugly beard with mustache. I am going to join army 2 months later and i want to keep my hair and beard as long as i can till i go however my brother`s wedding is coming and i am supposed to be handsome or at least a good guy who shall represent the family well and i have to obey the rules no matter how freaking bad it is and also i have an appointment at THY head center for being steward on 8 November 2011 so i should be formal which i hate being. 

But i wanna say that; this picture is like a mirror that reflects what i am and how i look like these days. 

!!!!!!!!! I AM BACK !!!!!!!!!!!

I have not been here for about four months i think. i know there is no way to explain why i have not written posted anything from then on but you know life is hard and we are getting used catch up with it. Well, i had my KPSS exam and my score which is 69.889 is awful for me cause it is nothing but nothing i cannot do anything with it. However, some ignoble jack ass people cheated in the exam and it was invalidated so i am having an new half KPSS exam in an unknown date. Anyway, I hope I can be around here and study this fucking exam. takes care I LOVE YOU

Living but cannot loving in Istanbul

Here is my quote;

 Always try to be friend with whom that tries to be friend but never insist on keeping on it.

I sometimes wonder who I am or what I should do.

I have now understood the meaning of the "blue".

If I am blue so I can be ice, too. Right ?

I am an alone community who fight against my own cruelity to save the life in me ever since I have lost my beliefs and self-confidence. I was wrong on so many things. Everything was seen me as Istanbul that hundreds or even millions of kings and soldiers died or were killed for the sake of conquering this superb city, I should be like Istanbul to be conguered for the sake of me. I try to renew myself and there will not be any places for females.

I go to work by bus and it takes maximum 15 minutes but three days ago i decided to walk home and then I did it. I was so stupid that i could not noticed this beauty before, there is a perfect view and although I have passed over it for at least 20 years i couldnt understand how beautiful it is. And these days if it is not so cold, I walk home it takes 50 minutes but it can make me so happy. Hearing the voices of the nature again gives me pleasure, and i will never try to forget my past as whaever it is it is mine, I will try to live with it.

I DO NOT WANNA LIVE IN A HOUSE WHICH HAS GOT A ROOF ALTHOUGH IT DOES NOT OWN WALLS, PLS.

Success Follows the Perseverance

It is generally known that only the success is remembered by others but what about the rest or the path that lead us to success? I always repeat and repeat this motto "First, i should believe in myself for doing anything even if it is a cup of tea for me. Then success comes. SUCCESS is the final destination of the considered work. Why do not we give our ears to learn something from Thomas EDISON? He had failed many and many times before we invented the bulp

but he did not give up and so we can lighten up our homes and the world.

HERE we have question : what would we do, if he given up? Maybe someone else could find another solution but s/he might do neither !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think, being determined and having perseverance are the most important keys to success. Without it everything would be very hard.

We have to lean over this topic; we should be persevering.

This is what i want to mention.

I`M a GRAVE MAN

"And this is my grave,

I cannot reach or see you because of my language that i actually dont know but i think i know, and what`s more i`m losing you that`s why i not only curse but also wanna kill myself and break into pieces as i am rubbishy and clumsy. The things which i hold go away from my hands i am not able to grap them while they are running and flying away. There is nothing that i may catch and never give up." says ZIVA and so i often no nooo...  i always think over this brain draining considering its excuses. WHY... and  HOW...

Now that i write about ZIVA`s words so you can think that i am supposed to go on with ZIVA and brain drain but nooo the virtual subject for today is the literature itself and ,one way or another, its acquisitions but  the subjects are ZIVA and his words when you deeply think on it.

THE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESSconsciousnessCONSCIOUSNESS.

Yeah , i am in that bullshit technique, it(?) takes a lot to concentrate on something or to build up my mind. However it takes, it happens and i am not aware of it and the biggest problem is that i am not accustomed to setting them alone or free. Not only did i lose my mind but also i lost my CONSCIOUSNESS, i will no longer work on that or no longer will i work on that. What is this mo`her fucking technique?

Even though i realise that that is not stream of ...  . Ok  i know  i often change my mind, my ideas, this can be a different thing. On the contrary it cannot be changed neither.

I talk and write nonsense and nonsense. These are the two important questions; WHY  and HOW.  Those guys  are the ones which form my life and destroy my inner world. I have never been such a guy who hates everything and think that of being a useless man but here i am and i do exist with all my breath, i am being impatient and poor.

YAGMUR i always try to follow your writings. What a nice sentence you use; the life what you want and the life what is forced to be lived by. It consists of three things HOME for sleeping and sheltering yourself, WIFE for having sex and pleasure yourself and also giving birth for the poor generation of future and MONEY for eating and buying without giving importance the rest.

I dont want such kinda life on my shoulder. I am in need of a girl who cares me and our children with passion and love but of course with loyality i need a girl who wants me to take her to dinner i mean i hate a life which is done for doing it

I THANK YOU MY GOD and I THANK YOU for your mercy and blessing.

I beg for your PARDON i am sorry for forgetting you. what a shame !!!!!

I forgot you. yes i confess. i forgot you.

But now i understand i realize again and again that the real cure is you, i do not need anybody but you.

I WANT YOUR MERCY in the front of  those ...

the longing of old and nice days

Today i was sitting in the front of the computer
and looking old pictures,
Unlike everybody
erzurum has always been a place
which is missed by me. As all the things i owe
are from Erzurum; My life- My profession--
And MY WİFE TO BE

SIMDI GENE ÜŞÜYORUM,
SANMA Kİ SENSİN NEDEN.

ÇOK UZAKTAYIM,
ÖTELERDE KALDIM SEVDIGIMDEN

THE countdown is running
wait for me, wait for me, wait for me