Living but cannot loving in Istanbul

Here is my quote;

 Always try to be friend with whom that tries to be friend but never insist on keeping on it.

I sometimes wonder who I am or what I should do.

I have now understood the meaning of the "blue".

If I am blue so I can be ice, too. Right ?

I am an alone community who fight against my own cruelity to save the life in me ever since I have lost my beliefs and self-confidence. I was wrong on so many things. Everything was seen me as Istanbul that hundreds or even millions of kings and soldiers died or were killed for the sake of conquering this superb city, I should be like Istanbul to be conguered for the sake of me. I try to renew myself and there will not be any places for females.

I go to work by bus and it takes maximum 15 minutes but three days ago i decided to walk home and then I did it. I was so stupid that i could not noticed this beauty before, there is a perfect view and although I have passed over it for at least 20 years i couldnt understand how beautiful it is. And these days if it is not so cold, I walk home it takes 50 minutes but it can make me so happy. Hearing the voices of the nature again gives me pleasure, and i will never try to forget my past as whaever it is it is mine, I will try to live with it.

I DO NOT WANNA LIVE IN A HOUSE WHICH HAS GOT A ROOF ALTHOUGH IT DOES NOT OWN WALLS, PLS.